Marriage of F.N.W. Burton and Lavinia Bembury Murfree, 1814

 ©  Kathy Duncan, 2026

While it might seem reasonable to guess where a couple married based on where their families traditionally lived, that can lead to errors. Always look for a source instead of blindly guessing!

An example is Lavinia Bembury Murfree. When her father Col Hardy Murfree, left Hertford County, North Carolina, and went west to Tennessee, he left Lavinia in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, to be educated at the Moravian School. That would have been about 1802 when Lavinia was seven years old. By then, Hardy Murfree was a widower, his wife Sally (Brickell) Murfree having died in 1802. Lavinia remained at the Moravian school until she finished her education. Then she moved to Halifax County, North Carolina, where she lived in the home of her sister, Mary Moore Murfree, who married Isaac Hilliard, Jr.

Lavinia Bembury Murfree married Col. Francis Nash Williams Burton in Halifax County in 1814. 

One might have guessed that Lavinia and F. N. W. Burton had married in Granville County, North Carolina, where the Burton family had lived for many years, or that they married in Hertford County, North Carolina, where the Murfree family had lived for many years. One might even guess that they married in Rutherford County, Tennessee, where many of the Murfrees had migrated, or that they married in Forsyth County, North Carolina, where Lavinia had attended school for many years. At some point, I considered all of these possibilities. 

Instead, they married in the home of Lavinia's sister and brother-in-law in Halifax County, North Carolina.

Lavinia B. (Murfree) Burton's Death Notice, 1881

   ©  Kathy Duncan, 2022

This is yet another elusive woman's death notice from the late nineteenth century. Finding this one has been an ongoing challenge. The kicker is that I stumbled over it accidentally while running a search for Col. Robert Burton. 

This is an obituary for Col. Robert Burton's daughter-in-law, Lavinia B. (Murfree) Burton, who died on 22 January 1881 in Smithville, Bullit County, Kentucky at the age of 85. Other keywords that ought to work in a search for this obituary are "L. B. Burton," "Jno. W. Burton," "J. E. Carter," and "Hutchings G. Burton." 

Notice that Lavinia (Murfree) Burton's own identity is subsumed by the men in her life: her son, John W. Burton; her son-in-law, J. E. Carter; her father-in-law, Col. Robert Burton; and her husband's first cousin, Governor Hutchins Gordon Burton. Noticeably missing are people more closely connected to her: her husband, F. N. W. Burton aka Francis Nash Williams Burton; and her own father, Col. Hardy Burton, also of the Revolution. At least, her own initials are used - L. B. Burton. Relentless searches for Lavinia Burton's death notice or obituary have resulted in nothing over the years. Notice in this death notice that The Wilmington Morning Star added the notation that Lavenia was the daughter-in-law of Col. Robert Burton. I am curious as to how they connected the dots between the two. This death notice also contains the hint that the original was published in the Tarboro Southerner. 

A search through a North Carolina newspaper database turned up the original version in the Tarborough Southerner, which is minus the notation that she was Col. Robert Burton's daughter-in-law. 

Sally (Brickell) Murfree's Obit, 1802

  ©  Kathy Duncan, 2022

Women's obituaries in the early period of our country are very uncommon. Sally (Brickell) Murfree, however, was from a social class of women who occasionally were honored with an obituary. Sally (Brickell) Murfree was about 45 years old at the time of her death in 1802. She left behind a husband, Col. Hardy Murfree, and eight surviving children. Her children's ages ranged from twenty-one to one. 

Her obituary provides the new information that she had suffered a long and lingering illness.

This illness may explain Sally's appearance in her surviving portrait. She appears in the portrait to be much older than 45 even taking into consideration that people aged more in appearance then. Sally (Brickell) Murfree was from a southern class of women who did not perform their own housework or work outdoors. In fact, she would have shielded her complexion with various hats and bonnets throughout her lifetime. We might expect her to have aged less rapidly than her working-class peers. 

Her portrait is estimated to have been painted in the late 1700s when she would have been 35 to 45 years old. Her gaunt appearance might be the product of a long, lingering illness. As ill as she appears in her portrait, the painter may have taken great pains to make her appearance more flattering by darkening her hair and decreasing any wrinkles that she had. It would seem, though, that her last pregnancy might have further contributed to her decline in health. 

Because of her early death, Sally's youngest daughters, including Lavinia B. (Burton) Murfree, were left to board at the Moravian school in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, when their father, Hardy Murfree, pulled up stakes and removed to Tennessee. 

Tribute to Lavinia B (Murfree) Burton

 ©  Kathy Duncan, 2020

One of the exciting items in the Harding/Dabbs Collection is this period tribute written to honor Lavinia B (Murfree) Burton, who died 24 January 1881 and is buried in Old City Cemetery in Murfreesboro, Tennessee. This tribute was written two months later on 23 March 1881 in Petersburg, Virginia. It seems reasonable to attribute the initials "tte" to baptist minister Rev. Thomas Treadwell Eaton, son of Dr. Joseph H. Eaton who ordained Lavinia Burton's son-in-law Rev. Duncan H. Selph. 

My guess is that Lillye Harding, daughter of Priscilla (Selph), copied this from its original source, and it was then copied by her nephew Hardy Dabbs in 1953 since it was folded together with other items from that date that were typed on the same type of paper, using the same typewriter. At this time, I don't know if it was copied from private papers or a newspaper clipping.

It reveals information that was gathered by one who obviously knew Lavinia (Murfree) Burton and provides some insight into her relationships with her children.

Transcript:

BURTON - Mrs. Lavinia B. Burton was born in Murfreesboro, N.C., April 3, 1795, and died at Smithfield, Ky., Jan. 24, 1881. Her father was Col. Hardy Murfree, who gave his name to her native town. When seven years old she lost her mother and was carried by her father to Salem, N.C., to be educated. After leaving school she made her home with Col. Hilliard, near Halifax, N.C., her father having died. On Feb. 23, 1814, she was married to Col. F.N.W. Burton, of Granville Co., N.C., and in 1823 they removed to Murfreesboro, Tennessee. They both there professed faith in Christ, and joined the Presbyterian church. But Mrs. Burton was a Baptist in sentiment, and so soon as a Baptist church was organized in the town she joined it. Along with four of her children she was baptised by Dr. R. B.C. Howell. 

Col. Burton died before the writer's recollection, but there are no more pleasant memories connected with his childhood, than those which cluster around that home of which Mrs. Burton was the soul and center. For years my father was her nearest neighbor, and one of the chief delights of his children was to go over to see "Auntie Burton," as she kindly allowed us to call her. It was a bright and gladsome home. She was fond of flowers and they grew in her yard as they grew nowhere else in town. She was never too busy to fill little hands with joy by filling little hands with flowers. And as we grew older and learned to appreciate other things than flowers and cakes, t at home lost none of its attractiveness to us. Everything about it was delightful. In its atmosphere the best in us expanded, care dropped away and friends enjoyed life to the utmost.

Affliction came often to that bright home. Mrs. Burton reared ten children to manhood and womanhood and there was not one mediocre mind among them all. They seemed to inherit the unusual ability of their gifted mother, but they did not all inherit her vigorous physical constitution; and she was often called to mourn over her early death. Her eldest son, named for his grandfather, after achieving most brilliant success as a lawyer, died at the early age of 32 years, in the island of St. Thomas, where he had been sent as United States consul. Scarcely had she recovered from that blow, when her oldest daughter, Mrs. Goodwin, died, leaving a family of small children to mourn her loss. Then passed away another daughter, Mrs. Dodson, so bright, so beautiful, and for so short a time a bride that the hearts of the whole community ached as they followed to the grave. Afterwards Mrs. Burton was called to mourn the loss of still another daughter, Mrs. Crosthwait, who died in her childhood's home after long and terrible suffering. But God had yet a heavier stroke in store for the child of his, when he was fitting for Heaven. The youngest daughter, Finie, was her earthly idol. Her other daughters were married and gone, some to distant homes, some awaiting her on the further shore, but her youngest, Benjamin, was with her mother. Miss Finie might well have been her mother's idol, with a man's clear brain and a child's sunny heart. She was a lovely woman and it seemed her mother's heart would break when the fell disease attacked her young life. In her affliction, Mrs. Burton drew nearer to the hand that smote her. She was a Christian before God took her idol, but from that h our she lived a deeper spiritual life, and a holier. For months after Miss Finie's death, it was feared that her mother would not survive the stroke; but she lived nearer and nearer to God for eighteen years longer, till she came to say of this severest of her trials, "O! that God's people could receive his stripes in her spirit!" Her mind retained its vigor unimpaired till within a year of her death. And while she enjoyed life and never murmured at her long pilgrimage, she yet often said on retiring at night, "How glad I would be to awake in heaven!"

Few mothers have been so loved by their children as was Mrs. Burton. As an illustration of this, when her husband died, one of her sons, a boy of sixteen, slept in the hall by her chamber door every night, and if she stirred, he was instantly by her side to see if he could do anything for her - trying to shield her as far as he could do, from the loneliness of her widowed life. Through boyhood, manhood, and middle-age her sons have loved her with a chivalrous devotion which proved exceptional qualities in a mother who could win and hold such love. She has awaked in Heaven at last, and none of the hearts that loved her can sorrow, as they think what that awaking was to the aged saint to whom God has given rest, after her long and faithful service. 

Petersburg, Va., March 23, 1881.                                            tte. 

Rev. Duncan Hyder Selph Sr. From the Harding/Dabbs Collection

©  Kathy Duncan, 2020

For the Selph family, this photograph is the crown jewel of the Harding/Dabb collection. It appears to be a duplicate of a photograph of Rev. Duncan Hyder Selph Sr. that was made when he was younger.

 

The back of the photograph is from Wybrant's Photographic Studio, 418 West Market St., in Louisville, KY. It bears the notation that Wybrant's was a Medal Award winner at the Southern Exposition in 1883, so the image is from 1883 or later. Frank Wybrant's photography studio was located at 418 West Market Street from 1886 to 1889. The hand that wrote on the back of the card is sure, and although D.H. Selph was deceased by 1874, I don't doubt that the identification is correct. It reads "Rev. Duncan Hyder Selph Baptist Minister & President of Union University Murfreesboro, Tenn." It further identifies his wife as "(Lily) Lavinia Bemburg Selph." Lily was a Burton and to my knowledge, Bemberg was not her middle name, which is identified in other documents as Emily. However, her mother was Lavinia Bembury (Murfree) Burton. This leads me to believe that Lily did not write this. It was likely inscribed by one of her children.

This picture of Duncan Hyder-Selph shows a resemblance to a photograph that was made at a later date with his wife, Lavinia:

 

Lavinia "Lily" (Burton) Murfree Obit 1901

©  Kathy Duncan, 2020

Back in March, my googling turned up a detailed recollection of Rev. Duncan Hyder Selph, written by someone who knew him - William Shelton.  Yesterday's googling turned up a new obituary for wife Lavinia "Lily" (Burton) Selph that was published in the Baptist and Reflector on 17 January 1901.

Her obituary provides a rich level of detail that was missing from the obituaries of most women of that time: her birth date and location, her parents' names, information on her teacher, her first husband, and her personality.

It is amusing to the warning about the rates for obituaries in this publication that precedes her obituary. The word count for Lily Selph's obituary is estimated at 783 words, which is 583 words over the 200 words limit. It would have cost the family $5.83 for this write-up. Allowing for inflation, it would have cost $26.07. However, modern obituaries run much, much more.

I suspect that the J.B.M. who wrote this was her nephew James Brickell Murfree.

A transcript follows.

Obituary

Notice. - Obituary notices not exceeding 200 words will be inserted free of charge, but one cent will be charged for each succeeding word, and should be paid in advance. Count the words and you will know exactly what the charge will be. Where an obituary is in excess of 200 words allowed and is not accompanied by the money, we shall have to cut it down to the free ?????

SELPH. -- Mrs. Lavinia E. (Lily) Burton Selph was born near Murfreesboro, Tenn., Oct. 18, 1829, and died at the residence of her son, Mr. Hardy B. Selph, May 28, 1899, being in the 70th year of her age. She was the daughter of Col. F. N. W. and Mrs. Lavinia Murfree Burton, who were among the first settlers of this country. She had a number of brothers and sisters, the majority of whom lived to mature age, each one being well-recognized as educated and refined, possessing minds that were gifted and cultured.

Mrs. Selph was reared in this community, and in her girlhood was beloved by her companions for her effervescent spirit, her earnest affection and her rare cordialty (sic). She was always kind and loving in her demeanor, cordial and confiding in her relations with others, yet withal full of mirth, with a ringing laughter that went to the heart of every one; and these qualities of heart and mind were not confined to her girlhood, but went with her through life. She was educated in Murfreesboro under the tutelage of that accomplished lady and learned instructor, Mrs. Blackington, where she received that mental training so forcibly exhibited in her later years.

In 1844 she made a public profession of religion and joined the Baptist Church at this place, being immersed by the distinguished Dr. Howell of Nashville.

In June, 1850, she was married to Dr. James Stewart, who died a few months after their marriage. On Dec. 22, 1852, she was married to Rev. Duncan H. Selph, with whom she lived many years in love and confidence. Dr. Selph was a man of great culture and literary attainments, being for many years President of Union University, at one time a flourishing college at Murfreesboro. In 1874 Dr. Selph died, leaving Mrs. Selph with quite a number of young children to care for, with responsibility she well and faithfully met. Her widowhood was for twenty-five years, during which time she lived with and for her children. Mrs. Selph was a woman of fine physique, being tall and stout, with an intellectual face that always displayed a kind expression, that was the index of a kind and loving heart. Mrs. Selph was accomplished in mind, being well educated and having a great fondness for books, she possed a great store of knowledge, which was always readily available. In her conversations she was interesting and instructive, at the same time refined and free from self-laudation. She was gentle and lovely in her disposition, always having a kind word for every one, which was spoken in a good humor.

As a friend she was faithful and true, without ostentation, sharing alike with her companions whatever their conditions might be. In their joys she was happy and in their sorrows she was sympathizing. To her neighbors she was open-hearted and obliging. To the poor she was always kind and helpful, her hand was ever open to relieve their sufferings.

As a mother she here more than elsewhere displayed a soft, gentle disposition and her great loving heart. While ever watchful of their welfare and bending the energies of her mind and soul to train them up in the way they should go, yet she was lenient and indulgent. She chose rather to lead them by the chords of love than to force them by harsh measures. And in her last sickness it was beautiful to see the deep affection and earnest solicitude for her which was exhibited by her children and grandchildren. Day after day, night after night they tarried by her bedside, vieing with each other in their attentions to her.

Thus has passed away one who while living was a blessing to those by whom she was surrounded, and in dying left them the rich legacy of a Christian life. But alas! she has gone and we shall never again see that kind face or hear that cheery voice, but through our tears we can look up to a loving Father and feel that mercy he has taken our loved one home to rest. She longed for rest; she sighed for rest, sweet rest; there is rest in heaven.

"The winged hours fleet, the brief
months such the years,
There seems scant space for laughter
of for tears.
Remember.

The seasons die, spring hastens, sum-
mer flies,
A flash, and autumn fades in frosty
skies.
Remember.

Be on our souls this truth eternal grav-
en
Beyond the imminent deep there lies
a heaven
Forever.

Whither unmoved by life's impatient
surges
Beckons a hand, a voice eternal urges
Forever.

There time nor change shall come, but
only rest
And blessed contemplation of the best
Remember."
J.B.M.

F.N.W. Burton Pay Voucher

© Kathy Duncan, 2017

Isn't this shiny and pretty? It's a War of 1812 pay voucher made out to F. N. W. Burton, aka Frank Nash Williams Burton, on 18 July 1814 for $69.30. Additionally, it shows that he served as Aid to Governor Hawkins.

When Frank Burton's wife, Lavinia (Murfree) Burton, applied for a widow's pension based on Frank's service, she stated that he was an aid to Governor Hawkins. However, she had no documentation. Since F.N.W. Burton could not be found among the North Carolina service records, Lavinia was denied the pension that she needed. Here's her documentation--over 100 years too late.

Lavinia Emily (Burton) Selph's Family Tree

This is the family tree for Lavinia Emily Burton, wife of Rev. Duncan Hyder Selph:

Click on Image to Enlarge

Hardy Julian Selph's Family Tree

Click Image to Enlarge

Col. HARDY MURFREE - Death Notice

© Kathy Duncan, 2013

Died. In Tennessee on the 6th ultimo after a short illness, Col. Hardy Murfree, late of Murfreesborough in this state, a Veteran Officer of the Revolution.
[Source: Star; Raleigh, NM; Thurs., May 4, 1809]

ILEY NUNN SELPH'S CHART:

© Kathy Duncan, 2011

Iley Nunn SELPH, husband of Carolina SANDOVAL 1872 - 1935 Duncan Hyder SELPH 1826 - 1874 Peter SELPH Elizabeth Lavinia Emily BURTON 1829 - 1899 Francis Nash Williams BURTON 1779 - 1843 Col Robert BURTON Agatha WILLIAMS Lavinia Bembury MURFREE 1795 - 1881 Col. Hardy MURFREE Sarah Brickell

Pedigree generated by PedigreeQuery.com

LAVINIA (BURTON) SELPH AND LAVINIA (MURFREE) BURTON

© Kathy Duncan, 2011

SERENDIPITY. Serendipity is based solely on amazing coincidence. It is the book that falls from the library shelf face down and lands on the page that contains the information one has sought for years. Serendipity is not to be confused with intuition or gut instinct. Those are grounded in conclusions drawn from research and insight. While intuition arrives in a eureka moment that seems magical, it is not serendipity. Recently, I saw a book online about paranormal genealogy research, and serenity moments were included as if the ancestors stood at our elbows, knocking books off of shelves for us. Perhaps. Who am I to argue? I just know that some of my best “discoveries” have come through serendipity instead of methodical searching.

Take Duncan Hyder Selph and his wife Lavinia Burton, my husband Peter’s great-grandparents. Back in the pre-internet, pre-census indexes after 1860, pre-ancestry.com days, this couple was beyond elusive. I could not successfully link them to their parents or locate a marriage record for them. I had no idea where in Tennessee to look for either one of them. I had met my future father-in-law, Hardy J. Selph, exactly once. He regaled me with a story of being descended from a Revolutionary War officer who was supposedly buried near Nashville. Somehow I confused the officer with the photograph of Duncan H. and Lavinia Selph that he was showing me. I knew the picture was from the Civil War era and that the man in it could not possibly be a Revolutionary War officer. I knew nothing about the Selph family, so I was not able to keep up with what I was being told. Since Peter and I were only dating at the time, it did not occur to me to do anything more than listen politely.

Years later I was in the Dallas Public Library, working on something that I have long since forgotten when I knocked a book off of the shelf. It was time for me to pack up and head home anyway because the library was closing, but I turned the book over and looked at the page on which it landed. My eye caught on a couple of names: Hardy Someone Or Other and Mrs. Selph. I glanced at the book title - something to do with Williamson County, Tennessee - returned it to the shelf and headed home. When I told Peter about it, he could not believe that I had not photocopied those pages before I left. He pointed out the someone named “Hardy” mentioned on the same pages as someone named “Mrs. Selph” was bound to be his relative. He had a valid point. Methodical, backward moving research had not gotten me anywhere. I might as well look in a book that fell off the shelf.

I wrote down everything I remembered about the book and within the week I was back at the library to photograph those pages. Mrs. Selph turned out to be Lavinia (Burton) Selph, wife of Duncan H. Selph, and Hardy Someone Or Other turned out to be her grandfather Hardy Murfree, the Revolutionary War officer buried in Tennessee. Things started falling into place quickly after that. Lavinia (Burton) Selph, who was nicknamed “Lilly,” was the daughter of Francis Nash Williams Burton and Lavinia Bembury Murfree, a prominent, early family of Murfreesboro, Tennessee. Lavinia (Murfree) Burton was also nicknamed Lilly. Her legacy continued among innumerable little Lavinias, Lillys, Lillians, and Lilly Anns in the family.

LEAVE NO STONE UNTURNED. Or as I think of it, look under every rock. Based on my successes with serendipity, I nose around in everything that presents itself now. My favorite place to look for odd information is in books about antiques, old houses, quilts, and samplers. I finally hit pay dirt in The Quilts of Tennessee: Images of Domestic Life Prior to 1930 by Bets Ramsey and Merikay Waldvogel.

Featured in this book is the Soule College Quilt, a crazy quilt made by classmates at Soule College in Murfreesboro, Tennessee c. 1891, as a gift to J.H. Holt, an itinerant Cumberland Presbyterian preacher in Rutherford County. F.N.W. Burton was one of the original 1825 trustees of Soule College. Smack in the center of the quilt is a block with three large white, embroidered lilies, and what is even more unusual, the block is signed by “Lizzie Burton.” I feel sure that the block was meant as a tribute to Lavinia “Lilly“ (Murfree) Burton who died in Kentucky in 1881, but who was returned to Murfreesboro to be interred next to her husband F. N. W. Burton in the Old City Cemetery. Lizzie Burton was most likely Lavinia (Burton) Selph’s daughter Betty Vick Selph who had married Erwin Burton by 1886 in Murfreesboro.

BE GUIDED BY YOUR GUT. When I have a strong, overwhelming feeling about something, I try to follow it. It does not really matter if it is serendipity or intuition; if the feeling is strong enough, I go with it. No questions asked. Several years ago I was driving through Eastland, Texas on my way to New Mexico when I felt an overwhelming urge to stop, stretch my legs, and get a cup of coffee. I recalled that there was an antique mall on the square, and noted that it should just about be opening time. I figured I was making good enough time to stop for a bit. A little reward for getting up early and getting on the road. Plus, I remembered seeing a guest book for an old dam that I had seen the year before. Apparently, in the early days of automobile travel, dams were a tourist destination and people signed a guest ledger, recording their visit. If the ledger was still there, I intended to buy it. Unfortunately, it was gone, but in another booth was an old store ledger that someone had turned into a scrapbook, gluing all manner of things on top of the old store entries. I remember thinking what a shame. I still do. One of the pages had a picture of a large while lily glued on it. And a poem about a lily. I thought of the Lillys in Peter’s family and started turning the pages more slowly and looking more carefully at them. Just a hodge-podge of whatever had interested its creator covered page after page. Then I came to a page where the name Lilly was written over and over. Obviously, the little girl who did this was named Lilly, and she had practiced writing her name. Then at the very back were some old store entries that were never glued over. One of them….the one that made my heart almost stop…was a record of bricks bought and delivered for Mr. Murfree’s chimney. SOLD! I’ve yet to figure out exactly who this little Lilly was or which Mr. Murfree built a new chimney, but I will eventually figure it out.